God-smacked: Talking to God, He had some stuff to say

Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10 NIV)

For the past few weeks, I’ve been meditating on the scripture, “Be still and know that I am God.” It’s the last part of Psalm 46:10. If you’ve read my most recent post, this will be familiar. If not, you may want to take a peek.

This morning, I found myself spending more time in Psalm 46. For those who aren’t familiar with biblical meditation, let me explain. It’s not like other types of meditation where the goal is to empty your mind, but it’s actually to stay in the scripture for a bit and look at it from different angles. I engage my cognitive abilities, invite the Holy Spirit into my reading time, and pay attention to where my curiosity goes. I read it slowly, then read it again. Then, I read it out loud, and also put it in my own words. It also can be helpful to pay attention to other scriptures or songs that pop into your mind as you read. I use tools like Blue Letter Bible to dive deeper into any words I get curious about, and my last steps are usually to read it again formatting it as a prayer, if that’s appropriate, and then journal about what I’ve learned. It’s important for me to engage my imagination in my bible reading time, because I learn visually as well as auditorily. So, when it’s possible, I imagine the scene of the scriptures as if I’m there.

As I got ready to spend some time with the Lord this morning, I opened my bible, closed my eyes, and remembered what I learned from studying the first part of Psalm 46:10 the other day. My current rough translation is this: Let your hand fall from your working, striving, and fighting to survive, and experience ME as GOD.

When we are talking to God, we need to make sure we take time to listen.

Here is Psalm 46 in the NIV translation:

1 God is our refuge and strength, 

an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way 

 and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam   

 and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,  

  the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;  

  God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;   

 he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The Lord Almighty is with us;   

 the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see what the Lord has done,   

 the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease  

  to the ends of the earth.

He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;   

 he burns the shields[d] with fire.

10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;   

 I will be exalted among the nations,    

I will be exalted in the earth.”

11 The Lord Almighty is with us;   

 the God of Jacob is our fortress.

A Little Back Story

During this time, my mind started to contemplate the last couple of decades of life and work. The Lord started sharing a birds eye view of my life from His perspective. A couple of years ago, He started stirring my heart for what I called “more-time ministry.” I started wondering if I wouldn’t retire from CHP. I was pretty sure I was going to be in full-time ministry, I just didn’t know the timeline. In December 2023, in my prayer time, my spirit heard Him say, “This is going to be your last month.” It was such a shock, my first reaction was, “No it isn’t!.” Then, I ignored it for a couple of weeks until, in a moment I was feeling overwhelmed by circumstances, He brought it to my remembrance again. He’s so patient and kind with us. After a few weeks of struggling with doubt, wondering if I heard correctly, praying, seeking the Lord with some friends who I know hear from God, and discussing it at length with my husband, I turned in my memo of resignation on my 15 year anniversary, and my last day was January 19, 2024.

For the last 15 months, God has been taking me on a journey of discovery. I’ve been discovering how to really trust Him. I remember in 2022, about a month before my first mission trip to Uganda/Rwanda, a friend texted me to ask if I needed $200. When I received the text, I was looking at my bank account and I remember thinking, “I don’t think I need $200,” but I decided to ask the Lord before I answered. When I asked Him, “Lord, do I need $200?” He answered me, right away, “I just want you to know I can take care of you.” So I texted my friend back, and told her the Lord said to say yes. So she sent me the $200 on Apple Pay. I remember that moment, because He brought it up a few times over the next few months. While we were on the mission trip, when we had a need and prayed about it, He answered. Afterward, He would drop in my spirit, “This is because you took that $200.” Accepting the $200 was a gateway to opening up trust in Him and starting to rely on Him more than I had in the past.

For the past 15 months, I have discovered how to trust Him in a deeper way, for more than just $200 when I didn’t think I needed it. I’m learning how to trust Him as a provider. He is teaching me how to access His peace that surpasses all understanding. If anyone had asked me if we could survive without my income, I would have answered with an emphatic NO. But, He’s teaching us that He knows more than we do about our circumstances. He’s showing us the ways our spending habits weren’t healthy, and we have been forced to clean them up. We are learning how to be more strategic with our ideas, and we are getting better at using what we have. I’m learning to trust Him as Lord of my life. When He impresses my spirit to do something, I feel like I’m in so far, I may as well keep going. Why would I listen when He asks me to quit my job and then not listen when He asks me to lay hands on someone and pray for their healing? He’s been teaching me how to rely on my husband in ways I’ve never had to before. We are learning how to be a team with Jesus at the helm. I’m discovering the ways I was very independent because I had formed beliefs when I was young. I believed no one else would take care of me so I had to. He’s taking me on a healing journey to figure out when I formed the belief that I can’t trust anyone else to take care of me, and walking me through forgiveness. The Lord has been giving me glimpses of what I was headed toward when He called me out of my job; I am pretty sure my body was on the verge of a revolt.

Talking to God, and He Had a Few Things to Say

As I meditated on the scripture this morning for about 20 minutes, the Lord started expanding upon the scripture, and making it personal to my heart:

“Take your hand away, you’ve proven you can take care of yourself and your family. You’ve shown what you can do. You’ve learned to work hard, exceeded your own expectations, made a bit of a name for yourself, and many people think you’re amazing for all you ‘do.’ But what does your internal life look like? Your mind isn’t healthy. Your spirit isn’t healthy. Your pride level is too high. You care way too much about gaining the approval of others. You are so close to the verge of a breakdown; you’ll never know how close. This lifestyle you’ve built isn’t sustainable and you know it. You haven’t tended to your spirit or soul well. You have soul wounds that are driving your decisions. You’ve chosen to chase something unsustainable. Self care is of the utmost importance when it comes to long-term success in such a stressful job. You want others to practice self-care, but you never make time to do the same thing: you hold yourself to an impossible standard.

“Take your hand off. Stop striving and fighting. You’ve had the reins for long enough, and it didn’t get you where you wanted or needed to be. Your thin exterior shell is about to crack, and the emotional, spiritual, and mental tornado is about to be unleashed. You cry out to have more time to spend on Me, but you have left yourself with no reserves. You have nothing left to spend. You long to be free. Your heart desires to be free to spend yourself on serving Me, My Kingdom, and My People. You desire to have ample time to pray, study, and dive deep below the surface of what I have for you, but you’ve organized your life so you can’t.

“Let loose of those reins. Hand them over. Trade me, and I’ll give you a light burden as I take your heavy one. Let your hand fall from your work, and let Me be the God you follow. Let Me be Lord. Let Me make the decisions and guide you into the life I want to release through you and around you. Experience what I can do with you, through you, and for you.

“Let your hand fall from your work. Lean into my rest and learn from me. With Me at the helm, we will set your spirit ablaze again. As you follow my leading, your soul will be able to enter into healing, rest, refreshment, and become whole again. Let me lead, and your body, soul, and spirit will  be re-integrated and come into alignment like it’s never been before, and only can be with Me in control. You will be fulfilled in your work, because My work will flow from the inside of you to the outside. Instead of living in a shell that looks good but it’s about to shatter, you will be whole and healthy and free in every realm and aspect of your life. Experience Me working inside you to transform you, strengthen you, free you, teach you, and send you. You will still work, and you will work hard. But you will work from a place of rest, access to my strength, and under my strategic hand of power. I will show you how to step out from the end of your strength and into mine. When we do it my way, you will not strive again. You will be the head and not the tail. You will experience Me in deeper ways than you can imagine. You will be free to spend yourself on Me. Step out from your ways and into My ways.

“Cease from your striving and experience that I am God."

It was an invitation I couldn’t resist. As I contemplated what my spirit received in this time, I knew He was right. Every part of me knew He was right: my mind, body, soul, and spirit all agreed. Different scriptures came rushing across my consciousness. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Psalm 23. Psalm 139. He came so we would have life, and life abundantly. So, for the first time in my life, I’m learning to embrace this season of rest.

What Does He Want to Talk to You About?

When you are praying or talking to God, make sure you leave time for Him to speak to your heart, spirit, body, and soul. Whatever God is calling you to in this time of your life, I hope you decide to embrace it, go with the flow He is leading you on, lean on Him, depend on the power of His might, trust in His word which is powerful, and allow Him to call you to Himself. I am continually surprised by Him, in the best ways! Every single thing He said to me was so hard to hear, but at my core, I knew He was right. Of course He is, He is God. It’s good for me to be put in check sometimes, so I don’t start believing my own hype. I’m not really that big of a deal, except He says I am. He calls me beloved, worthy, righteous, holy, and blameless in His sight. Who am I to say otherwise?

If you’re interested in learning more about having these types of conversations with God, pick up a copy of Belief Rehab: You Are Enough.